I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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