yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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