You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
