You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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