I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I enjoy the company of your penis
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
