i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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