His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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