So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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