Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's shark week go big or go home
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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