brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
