apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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