I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
