OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
