You made me cry and you don't even care
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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