apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
