Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
