So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
