Apparently you make a good broom.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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