I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
