I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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