It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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