Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
