Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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