this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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