im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
