I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
