I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
