I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
