It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
