Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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