So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
