that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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