I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
