i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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