I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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