She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
