Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
