.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
