The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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