I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
