You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
