no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
