Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His nipple licking is glorious
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