Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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