We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
