Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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