So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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