Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
