he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
