Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
