thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
