My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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