I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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