If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
