i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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