Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
