You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
