I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
