the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
