This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
