I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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