We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There r osticjed everywhere
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
