I wannas sexs uuuuu
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
