I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize