I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
