you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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