the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
