covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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