the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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