Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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