my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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